


tscr (thomas sanders community radio)

by moralityism



Series: Sympathetic Deceit Week [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Surrealism, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Week, idk who let deceit be the family counselor but it was a bad decision, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 20:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16981071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moralityism/pseuds/moralityism
Summary: Patton goes to Deceit for help and gets a lot more than he bargained for. Written for Sympathetic Deceit Week: Moceit Day.





	tscr (thomas sanders community radio)

**Author's Note:**

> *tosses canon out the window* my city now

Deceit is doing his work in the living room late at night, legs stretched out across the couch in what Virgil used to refer to as “peak asshole position”. He usually stays in his room to work – it’s more comfortable there, and everything he needs is within arm’s reach – but today he’d found the space too suffocating to bear. Although he hates to admit it, Patton’s little freak-out earlier today must have affected him badly. It’s always a mess in the mindscape when Thomas’ heart runs rampant.

He wonders how Virgil is holding up. The poor soul was always so shaken whenever anything shifted even slightly in his surroundings.

Someone is standing at the foot of the couch.  _Goodness, Virgil must really be feeling rough if he came crawling all the way back here_ , Deceit thinks, not bothering to look up. Virgil doesn’t say anything, though. He just stands there, nervously shifting from one foot to the other and burning a hole in Deceit’s forehead with his eyes. Deceit huffs. If there’s one thing he can’t stand, it’s being stared at.

“Can I help you?” he snaps, tossing the paper on the coffee table and looking up at –  _abort, abort, that is very much_ not _Virgil staring back at him_  – looking down and away from Patton.

Patton tugs on the sleeve of his cardigan. “Do you…um…can I have a minute?”

Deceit blinks back at him. He’s still going back through his memories of the past few days, trying to figure out what he could have possibly done that would have warranted a visit from Thomas’ Morality. “From me?” he asks, then smacks himself internally as his mind kicks back into gear.  _Great job not sounding like a complete idiot, Dee._

“Well…” Patton is still playing with the sleeves tied around his shoulders. Upon a second glance, they have cat pawprints on them now. “It’s…it’s not something I can go to the others with.”

_Amazing_ , Deceit thinks,  _how he can answer my question and still raise so many others_. But, well, Deceit isn’t one to turn down a Side in need. “Do you have a quarter?”

“What?”

Deceit tilts his head and smiles. “I’m very busy, you know. I can’t afford to do this sort of thing for free,” he explains.

“Oh…” Patton pats his pockets. “I think I gave my dollar to Roman. I don’t have any more cash on me.”

Deceit waves him off. “I’ll just put it on your tab.” He raises an arm above his head with a flourish and snaps his fingers, and the commons fall away.

* * *

One moment, Patton is standing in the common room that Deceit and his friends have claimed as their own. The next, he’s sitting in a tall stool with a bright light shining right in his face. The sudden switch in surroundings knocks him off balance, and he tips right off the stool and lands on his back on the tile floor below him. He scrambles to a sitting position. He’s in a small space enclosed by curtains on all sides, occupied by the stool as well as a lamp and a microphone, both hanging down from the ceiling.

“Greetings, esteemed listeners,” a voice purrs, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. “We have a very special guest with us today! Why don’t you introduce yourself?” There’s a brief, awkward moment of silence before the voice clarifies, “That would involve getting back into your chair and speaking into the microphone, darling.”

“Oh!” Patton stumbles to his feet and climbs back into the stool, distantly wondering what he’s gotten himself into. He pushes on the lamp, turning it away from his face, and leans close to the microphone. “I’m Patton.”

Feedback resounds through the space, and Patton winces. “Not that close to the mic,” the voice laughs.

“Do we have to do this?” Patton asks.

“Is this not what you asked for?” the voice – Deceit – retorts. “Now, go ahead and tell us what’s on your mind.”

“Us? Wait, who else is listening?”

Deceit laughs at his horrified tone. “Just me and the stars, Patton dearest.”

“Oh.” He takes a deep steadying breath. Everything involving Deceit somehow ends up becoming a disorienting whirlwind. “Well… I hurt my family today. I didn’t mean to!” he clarifies immediately. “I was just going to keep it to myself, but they all ended up finding out, and I dragged Thomas into my room, and I yelled at Logan, and I made Virgil upset, and, and, and…” He realizes he’s rambling, but he can’t bring himself to care. “I…I feel bad for involving all of them in this.”

Deceit hums. “It might be necessary sometimes,” he muses. “They’ll never be able to reach you if you don’t let them.”

“That’s the problem, though!” Patton cries into the microphone, and is immediately punished by another round of feedback. He lowers his voice to a whisper and continues, “They shouldn’t have to worry about me in the first place. It’s my job to take care of them. I’m the  _dad_.”

“Well, it sounds like you’ve already made your decision!” Deceit’s voice is cheery, but it almost sounds forced. “I gotta say, I’m not even sure why you’re here!”

“Because I need your help,” Patton declares. Deceit is silent. “I don’t want them to have to worry about me anymore, but I need to be better at hiding when I’m upset.”

“You want my help to lie to the others,” Deceit summarizes. The radio host personality he’d been wearing falls away completely. “And you’re certain about that?”

Patton’s hands clench into fists. “Yes.”

There’s a long silence. “Mmm, I don’t know,” Deceit says finally, drawing the syllables out. “Like I said, I’m very busy. I don’t think I’ll be able to take on the extra work…unless I’m properly compensated, that is.”

Patton hesitates. “So…I’ll owe you two quarters?”

Deceit laughs at that. “No, Patton. An undertaking like this will cost you far more than some spare change.”

“…How much?”

“I’ll let you decide,” Deceit says, sounding awfully pleased with himself. “You’re Morality. It’s your job to decide what counts as fair.”

Patton freezes. He wonders what will happen if he picks something that Deceit doesn’t see as valuable enough. What if Deceit just gives up on the whole thing and kicks Patton out? Patton doesn’t want to give him just a blank favor – who knows what he’ll do with that – but he gets the feeling that Deceit is pushing for something he’d never normally give.

“I’ll let you be me for a day,” he offers without thinking.

“Wait, what?” Deceit sounds truly surprised, and Patton starts to think he may have made the wrong decision.

Oh, well. Too late now. He squares his shoulders and leans closer to the microphone. “The next time Thomas asks for my help, you can go instead, as me. I won’t step in unless you get caught.”

“That’s…are you absolutely sure?”

_No._ “Yes.”

There’s a momentary pause, then a piece of paper and a pen drop into Patton’s lap out of nowhere. “I’ll need you to sign,” Deceit informs him.

Patton doesn’t quite want to look at the deal he’s making, so he braces the paper against his lap and signs it quickly. The moment he lets it go, it vanishes.

“Well, listeners,” Deceit sings, suddenly back to his radio announcer voice, “that’s all the time we have, so I’m afraid I’ll have to say goodnight for now. Thanks for tuning in!”

Patton blinks, and he’s sitting alone on his bedroom floor.

* * *

Patton is sitting on the couch, Virgil on his left and Roman on his right with Logan sitting upright next to him. Winnie the Pooh is playing from the TV, but he gets the feeling he’s the only one watching. It’s been two or three days since Deceit used Patton’s face to try to manipulate Thomas into lying to Joan – an unforgivable crime in and of itself, to hurt Thomas’ friend – and his family hasn’t stopped fretting over him since. He feels bad for making them worry, just like he always does, but he tries his best to ignore it. It’s for the best, he thinks.

Deceit appears on the stairwell with a crooked grin. Patton can hardly blink before his family jumps into action. Roman stands in front of Patton with his sword drawn, and Logan wordlessly slides over to take his place and put a comforting hand on Patton’s leg. Virgil hops the coffee table, storms over to Deceit, and slams him into the opposite wall.

“What do you think you’re doing, showing your face around here after the stunt you pulled?” he snarls, leaning in close, but Deceit’s expression doesn’t change.

“I just need to speak with Patton,” he says cheerfully. “It’ll only be a moment.”

“Like hell we’re just gonna let you walk off with Pat.” Logan’s grip tightens slightly in agreement with Virgil’s statement. “What do you want with him?”

“Oh, I’m sure he knows.” Deceit leans his head around Virgil to make direct eye contact with Patton. “Can I have a moment of your time?”

Patton stands, brushing Logan’s hand away gently and offering his family a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. I’ll be right back.” He passes Roman before he can protest and takes Deceit’s outstretched hand, and they both appear in Deceit’s room.

“Have a seat,” Deceit offers, gesturing to the table in front of them. It’s the only visible thing in the otherwise completely dark room.

“Okay…” Patton sits down in one of the chairs, and Deceit settles in the other without making a sound. “You sure like it dark in here, huh?”

Deceit’s smile doesn’t change, although the dim lighting makes it seem almost ominous. “You never know what might be hiding in the shadows,” he hums, and Patton shivers unconsciously.

Deceit places his elbows on the table and leans forward. “I value your time, Patton, I really do, so I’ll cut to the chase. I brought you here to collect a debt.”

Patton blinks. “I…I don’t owe you anything,” he protests. “I did what I was supposed to. I let you pretend to be me and I didn’t interfere.”

Deceit quirks an eyebrow. “First of all, you gave me your old cardigan instead of that hoodie you wear everywhere. Don’t think I didn’t catch that.” Patton blanches. “Second of all, that’s not the only thing you agreed to.”

Patton shakes his head. “No, no, I remember talking to you about it, and that was all I said I would give.”

Deceit lowers his head. He’s chuckling. Patton didn’t think that was an actual thing that actual people did. “Oh, Patton,” Deceit sighs, and stands up from the table. “Dear, sweet, innocent Patton.” He slowly approaches Patton, one gloved hand tracing the edge of the table. “Every man is honest, and no one ever means harm…” He’s standing directly behind Patton now. Leaning over Patton’s shoulder, he places a single sheet of paper on the table. “…and there’s absolutely no need to ever check that the contract you’re signing matches the verbal agreement you’re making.”

Patton snatches the sheet of paper up and scans it, his heart rising into his throat. He turns around to look at Deceit, but he’s no longer there. He’s back in his seat, gazing at Patton as if he’d never moved. “No,” Patton stammers, shaking his head frantically. “I can’t – I didn’t –”

“Ah, but you did,” Deceit replies. “Your signature is right there, see?”

“You don’t understand,” Patton hisses. “I  _can’t._ ”

“Either you do it or I will. The choice is yours.”

“They won’t believe you.”

Deceit tugs the paper out of his hands. “I have your signature. Look, you even drew a little heart next to your name, isn’t that cute? I never would have thought to do that.” His smile drops. “And your new friend Virgil knows that.” The contract disappears from his hands. “Make your decision. Are you going to refuse something you agreed to doing, Morality?”

Deceit deposits Patton unceremoniously on the stairs before he can respond. He loses his balance and falls, but Virgil catches him. All three of his family members are upon him in an instant, battering him with questions faster than he can think to answer, but all he does is wrap his arms around Virgil and pull him in for a tight hug. They all fall silent. Patton buries his face in Virgil’s neck and takes a deep, steadying breath.

When he pulls away, his face is determined. “I need to talk to you all about something.”

* * *

Patton is back in the room with the curtain, balanced precariously on the stool. “And how did it go, darling?” the invisible announcer croons.

“Logan says forcing me to incriminate myself was a violation of my Fifth Amendment rights,” Patton responds, but he’s smiling.

That smile only grows wider when the voice chirps back, “Well, then it’s a good thing for our show you’re a part of Thomas’ personality and not a citizen of the United States, and therefore can’t sue!”

Patton giggles. “But yes,” he sighs with what he hopes is an appropriate amount of exaggerated drama, “I did what the contract told me, and I told the other three everything we had agreed to.”

“And? What did they say?”

“Well…Virgil yelled at me for a bit, but it was just because he was worried for my sake.” The smile on his face gets smaller, softer. “They all were. They made me promise, really promise, to come to them whenever I’m upset.” It’s not everything that happened, but it’s enough, he thinks. “I think I understand what you were saying before. Thank you.” There’s silence from the other end that he doesn’t quite know what to do with. “Oh, and then Logan told me about my Fifth Amendment rights.”

Deceit laughs at that. “They do care about you, you know.”

Patton nods, although he’s not sure if Deceit can see him. “Oh, before we, um, say goodnight, I have something I want to show you!” he says. He waits a moment for a response, then adds, “That would involve coming in here to see it,  _darling_.” Deceit appears in front of him. He seems unimpressed, but Patton thinks he’s trying to hold back laughter. Patton holds out his phone. “Here, look! I got these from the other three!”

They’re video files. Patton presses play.

* * *

_So you’re showing this to Deceit? …Yeah, okay, I get it. Uh, sorry for slamming you against the wall. And yelling at you. And, yeah. All that stuff. Although if you’d just come and told us in the first place without taking advantage of him like an assho–_

_Sorry, Pat. Uh, but, thanks. Really. For making him tell us. I… don’t know where he’d be without you._

* * *

_I must extend my deepest apologies for treating you so poorly when you were merely trying to help our dear friend. We cannot thank you enough for helping Patton to seek the light in the depths of his despair…in your own way. I hereby promise not to threaten you with my sword every time you drop by to visit._

_I would also like to make a proposal. I have been lacking a proper antagonist in the Imagination as of late – someone with the cunning and wherewithal to truly stand against me. If you’re at all interested, please feel free to drop by. You’ve certainly proven that you’re not one to be messed with._

_…Again, thank you for helping Patton reach out._

* * *

_I simply don’t understand why this is necessary. Yes, I’m aware the others did it, but I’m not them. Yes, I’m aware you asked him to help you. He still tricked you, Patton._

_What do you mean, you’re already recording? Ugh, fine._

_I suppose I must apologize for being so suspicious of your intentions, even though I was merely drawing a conclusion based on our past inter—Yes, I get it, I’m sorry._

_Thank you for not being as horrible as you could have been. You could have taken advantage of Patton’s fragile emotional state to cause far worse damage both to him and Thomas, but instead you chose a couple of relatively harmless pranks that led him to open up to us. I suppose, in the end, that’s worth something._

* * *

“You made all of them apologize,” Deceit states. It sounds like a question.

“I felt bad! They all got mad at you for something I dragged you into.”

“You feel bad about a lot of things,” Deceit observes quietly.

Patton shrugs. “I’m Morality! It’s my job!”

“Take a cue from Virgil,” Deceit advises. “Stop trying to take on extra work.” He vanishes again, but his voice echoes once more through the small space. “Well, listeners, that’s all the time we have, so I’m afraid I’ll have to say goodnight. Thanks for tuning in, and see you again soon!”

Patton lands on his bed this time. He smiles and hugs his phone to his chest.


End file.
